If it burns, it's probably gonorrhea.

While waiting to see Sex With Sue Johanssen:

Girl: I mean, I don't know guys, I really think I should talk to her now before she get's to Totem. This is pretty important, I don't think I should wait. She's gonna get mobbed at Totem and then I'm never going to know the answer.

- SUB, overheard by Emily.

"Don't even get me started on all those trucks named Jimmy."

Guy #1: Dude, is this elevator named Otis?
Guy #2: Hey, yeah, it is. Weird.
Guy #1: Man, all elevators are named Otis, it's stupid. They should call this one something else. Like... Walter.
Guy #2: Like Walter Gage?
Guy #1: Damn, then that doesn't work either.

- Gage elevator, overheard by Katie.

Though the latter is generally preferred.

Prof, explaining entropy: Say you bought an egg from Safeway and you threw it into the face of President Bush. The egg will be crushed. Or the other way around, the face. Either way is fine.

- CHEM 123, overheard by Dorothy.

Maybe she should try the short bus.

A girl walks up to the #17 bus stop at UBC. She looks carefully at the sign on the side of the bus that reads "17 DOWNTOWN". She walks in front of the bus and stares at the even larger sign on the front of the bus that also reads "17 DOWNTOWN". She then climbs on the bus and asks the driver, "Does this bus go downtown?"

- Bus stop, overheard by Alena.

He was a nobody until Rocky III.

Girl: Well, [William] Blake was a very well-known English poet. His most famous poem is 'Eye of the Tiger'

- English Lit class, overheard by Alena.