Arts County Fair: Bringing out the best in UBC students since 1992.

Drunk guy: I have no dignity. Seriously, man, gimme fifty bucks and I'll piss my pants in public.

- On the way to ACF, overheard by J.

"Once he helps me move, he's gone."

Girl 1: If my man wanted to beef up with steroids, I'd have no problems with that.
Girl 2: But it shrinks their penises.
Girl 2: Only after prolonged use, and it's not like I'd marry the guy.

- The Gallery, overheard by I.

You're barely even that.

"I wanna be like, unilingual, if that's even real."

- Outside Buchanan, overheard by Mr. Samuel.

You missed us.

Hey kids. We had a lull (moreso than normal) over midterms there, but we're back. Something crazy went down with the comments, but they should all be showing up now. Commenting is a good thing. Submitting is a good thing! So spread it on.

Party? I'm sorry, you must have mistaken us for UWO.

Bus Driver, on intercom: It's time to wake up, boys and girls! Welcome to UBC, home of pseudointellectual egos and the educated elite. But if you're just here for the party, that's okay, too. I'm just here for the party.

- 99 B-Line, overheard by J.

Their mothers were glass bottles.

Asian Hipster Boy 1: It really hurts me when people don't recycle.
Asian Hipster Boy 2: Yeah. I hear ya, man.

- Buchanan D, overheard by J.

If it burns, it's probably gonorrhea.

While waiting to see Sex With Sue Johanssen:

Girl: I mean, I don't know guys, I really think I should talk to her now before she get's to Totem. This is pretty important, I don't think I should wait. She's gonna get mobbed at Totem and then I'm never going to know the answer.

- SUB, overheard by Emily.

"Don't even get me started on all those trucks named Jimmy."

Guy #1: Dude, is this elevator named Otis?
Guy #2: Hey, yeah, it is. Weird.
Guy #1: Man, all elevators are named Otis, it's stupid. They should call this one something else. Like... Walter.
Guy #2: Like Walter Gage?
Guy #1: Damn, then that doesn't work either.

- Gage elevator, overheard by Katie.

Though the latter is generally preferred.

Prof, explaining entropy: Say you bought an egg from Safeway and you threw it into the face of President Bush. The egg will be crushed. Or the other way around, the face. Either way is fine.

- CHEM 123, overheard by Dorothy.

Maybe she should try the short bus.

A girl walks up to the #17 bus stop at UBC. She looks carefully at the sign on the side of the bus that reads "17 DOWNTOWN". She walks in front of the bus and stares at the even larger sign on the front of the bus that also reads "17 DOWNTOWN". She then climbs on the bus and asks the driver, "Does this bus go downtown?"

- Bus stop, overheard by Alena.

He was a nobody until Rocky III.

Girl: Well, [William] Blake was a very well-known English poet. His most famous poem is 'Eye of the Tiger'

- English Lit class, overheard by Alena.

Mo'kay.

Guy: Yeah, man... mo' pockets, mo' problems!

- In front of Koerner, overheard by Maggie.

The gift that keeps on giving.

Girl: Bisexuality is the greatest gift you can give yourself!

- CSIS 450, overheard by Heather.

Only if you want a second date.

Girl: Well, it's not like you have to swallow or anything.

- Elevator, overheard by Simon.